Breakups are never easy, but it turns out some of the ways we’re doing it are actually making it much worse. Avoid these common breakup mistakes that make being dumped more upsetting.
Don’t wait too long – Once you’re sure you definitely want to end things, emotional health expert and psychotherapist Katherine Schafler says, “You should rip the Band-Aid off as soon as you’ve made the decision.” There’s no reason to drag that pain out any longer.
Don’t do it during a fight – When your emotions are running high, you don’t want to make a huge choice like breaking up. Once you’ve had time to calm down, senior matchmaker and dating coach Lori Salkin points out, the issues don’t seem as bad as they did during the heat of the moment.
Don’t lie about why you’re ending it – You might think you’re making it less painful for someone when you sugarcoat the breakup, but they’ll probably just be confused – which makes it harder to get closure. Like Salkin says, “It’s easier to move on and recover from a breakup when you know the truth – even when it’s ugly.”
Don’t leave things open-ended – Don’t agree to take a break or say that you could get back together in the future. “Bachelorette” villain Bentley Williams famously described this as ending a relationship with a “dot, dot, dot” and you don’t want to leave things hanging open like that. And really, would you want someone to do that to you?
Don’t burn bridges – Facebook stalking your ex probably won’t help you with the healing process, but research shows that un-friending won’t either. So let things cool down first before you decide if you and your ex will remain friends and you’ll skip a lot of drama.
Don’t immediately get back together – Sure, there are exceptions, but in general – couples that get back together soon after breaking up don’t stay together and aren’t even as happy in the relationship redo. And after you’ve been through the breakup, do you really want to have to go through that all over again.